My toddler speaks or not.
I have been a person who likes to speak to people, whoever the other person might be. I usually speak or can speak to a complete stranger too. If two or more people meet my kind of fun is talking. Talking is the priority.
As I grew older or as time passed and the number of people I spoke to, including my parents I found out that fewer people really listened or cared. I realized this the hard way.
Then, when I had a kid I was happy that he would listen to me forever and he would be the person that I could say anything.
But the thing about wanting to talk to kids is that they really have to start speaking first.
There is a certain time frame in which children develop certain milestones like holding their head(around 4 months), standing without support(around 1 year), walking holding furniture (around 1 year), or uttering their first words like mama, dada, etc and more complex words later in life. However, these milestones vary in many babies or children.
As a parent, we become aware of these milestones as they grow. Searching online or seeing other kids complete their milestones at a particular time frame makes us notice the same in our own kids.
As my kid grew older, the standard period set for the speaking milestone crossed and it made me worry. I was so impatient to listen to his words. The time passed but he used fewer words compared to other kids and according to the milestones chart. I used to be heartbroken repeatedly and searched online for the reasons behind the delay. By 19 months of age, he only said 'dada' and few other words. However, the rest of the developmental milestones are on point though.
Suddenly one day while I was playing with him, a few questions gushed into my mind. Why does it matter whether he spoke or not? Why was I sad that he did not speak? I gave a little thought to that. Then I realized that I was creating a situation or expectation in my mind that if he would speak then it would be so much fun. It meant that the present situation or present moment with my child is less fun.
As we unknowingly compare lots of things most of the time in our life which we have learned from society. As a matter of fact, we are 'the society'. We compare without becoming aware of it and I was also doing the same. I was comparing the future event or scenario in which my son would start speaking and labeling as "more fun" with the present moment in which he did not speak and labeled as "not much fun". Of course, this happens to us without us becoming aware at that time.
Fun with my child does not depend on whether he does something or not. I do not love my child lesser now than when he starts speaking or beginning any other activity. That is just a condition that my mind came up with and I believed it.
From that day onward the thought of him not speaking till now has not crossed my mind in the way it used to bother me previously. I don't care whether he speaks now or never. Now, I just have fun with him more than ever without the conditions my mind put through. I know that I will love him always.
As most of our days or time pass by thinking about having something or not having something, without even being aware of it. Putting it another way, thinking that something is lacking in our lives has caused us not to stay in the present moment and reject what is and feel unpleasant about what is right here and now. Eckhart Tolle rightly said, "what you resist, persists".
In my case, there is one less thought to bother me now. I am less distracted by unnecessary conditions, like me being happy if my child spoke someday or being sad if he didn't speak at all.
My happiness does not depend on the external factor and my love for my child does not depend on me being happy or sad. Love is ever-present. Love is present now.